


A Crazy Damned Life

by theresonatinglight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Water for Elephants - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1930s, Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Abuse, Cheating, Euthanasia, Eventual Smut, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, HEA, Happy Ending, Horse Euthanasia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Male Phasma, Rey Married to Phasma, Reylo endgame, Water For Elephants AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26003305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight/pseuds/theresonatinglight
Summary: 1931, Benzini Bros. CircusBen Solo, almost-veterinarian, boards a circus train and never looks back. There, he meets a beautiful young performer whose soul is intertwined with his own. The only problem? She’s married to the circus showrunner, Glenn Phasma. And as time goes on, the rage with which Phasma controls the circus threatens to destroy them all.A Water for Elephants Reylo AU
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Let's Go to the Movies - Reylo Readers & Writers Prompt Exchange





	A Crazy Damned Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [someonesbeenhere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonesbeenhere/gifts).



> I wrote this fic for someonesbeenhere for the Reylo Readers & Writers Movie Exchange 2020! The prompt was Water for Elephants (2011), a movie about drama, forbidden love, and compassion aboard a circus train in 1931. I’ve written this fic with Rey as the star circus performer, Phasma as her husband and circus runner, and Ben as the kindhearted veterinarian. 
> 
> Please note that I have chosen to genderbend Phasma in order to fit the role of Rey’s abusive husband. This choice was made after careful consideration of the implications of other characters in the role, especially considering the elephant in this story’s name is Rosie. I personally find Phasma to be a very powerful female figure in the Star Wars universe, and my intent was not to diminish that. Rather, I wanted to cast an unambiguously harmful character in the role, and I felt that her rank as Captain would be translated well to circus showrunner.
> 
> Please mind the tags, and enjoy!

_**1931, Benzini Bros. Circus** _

The first time she sees him, she’s brushing Silver Star’s mane, mentally steeling herself for her performance. It breaks her heart to see Silver in pain, but she knows Glenn Phasma – her stern circus runner of a husband would never pull the lead horse from the show. He’d sneer at her and talk about _profits_ and _disappointed patrons_ and _can’t Silver Star make it just a few more shows, darling?_ She hates his condescending tone. And the cold malice in his eyes whenever he looks at her. And the way she was the young fool who married him in the first place.

 _No_ , she thinks. _Silver must perform._ Rey just needs to be better than ever now – more delicate, more acrobatic, more _exquisite_ – to draw the crowd’s attention toward her movements and away from her horse’s fatigued limp. But once she sees the man standing next to Glenn, she’s utterly distracted. And by the look of him, she’s not sure she’ll ever regain her concentration.

His broad, tall frame contradicts the nervous expression gracing his handsome features, making him seem simultaneously powerful and meek. She overhears his name as he speaks to her husband: _Ben Solo_. Deep in her heart, she knows her fate – _her soul_ – is intertwined with his.

_This man is going to ruin me._

\--

The next morning, Rey is in Silver Star’s train car, comforting her ailing equine companion, when Ben Solo walks in. All of a sudden, it’s like he’s sucked the air out of the room. Tension builds between them as he sits down next to her, stroking Silver’s head with a large, yet gentle hand. Finally, he breaks the silence.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.” He extends a hand in greeting, and she accepts it. “I’m Ben Solo, the new animal specialist.”

 _Breathe, girl._ “Rey Phasma. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Are you a veterinarian? What brings you to Benzini’s?”

Ben shakes his head ruefully, and she thinks she sees a glint of sadness in his deep brown eyes. “Not quite. I had to leave Cornell right before my final exams. My… My parents passed in a car accident. After that, everything fell apart. My father was a kind man – too kind – and he had loaned money to friends left and right. He… trusted them. But in this economy, there’s no chance of getting the money paid back.” He looks down, abashed. “Sorry. Oversharing. I’m still getting used to my parents being gone, and I guess something just… made me want to tell you.”

“No – please don’t apologize,” she says, and she places a comforting hand on his arm. “I feel it too. We all have a story here; it’s what brings us together.”

So Ben continues. “It is what it is; I suppose I’ve made my peace with it. There was barely anything left after the bank took its due, so I just ran.”

Rey thinks about life and how fleeting and unpredictable it can be. Up close, she realizes that Ben Solo is younger than she had thought; his impressive height and broad frame had made him seem mature beyond his years from afar. But now, she’s surprised to find that he’s not much older than herself. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Mr. Solo–”

Ben blushes. “Ben – please, call me Ben.”

A slight smile pulls at the corners of her mouth. “ _Ben_ , I’m so sorry for your loss. And that you weren’t able to finish your degree. Still, _a college boy_ – we don’t get many of you around here. Did you come here to look at Silver’s injury?”

“Yes. Phasma told me about his foot – asked me to prescribe painkillers. But from watching Silver, I don’t think… Well, I needed to check for myself, anyway.” Ben leans down to inspect Silver Star’s hoof, handling the animal with great care. The horse is visibly distressed, his eyes glossy and distant; his body barely moving from the fatigue and pain. Rey hears Ben sigh. His pale face is grim. “It’s as bad as I thought. Laminitis, and pretty severe. See here, where he has this abscess? Ma’am, the right thing to do would be to put him down. He won’t be walking much longer, and I can’t… No amount of painkillers will save him; they’ll just draw out his suffering.”

Rey’s heart aches. She’s been expecting this, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. When she’d first joined the circus, she’d been an adventurous nineteen-year-old looking for an escape from her exploitative, aggressive uncle. She hadn’t known a single thing about acrobatics or horses or performing. Fortunately, she was a sharp learner. When she had married Glenn – just six months after she’d run away – he had gifted her Silver Star. The horse has been her loyal companion ever since, keeping her company and being a steady presence for the past three years, even as her marriage has grown cold and turbulent. But the one thing that would hurt more than losing Silver would be having to watch his agony deepen until finally his legs give out.

“I know,” she whispers. Then, her voice hardens. “But that’s not gonna happen, is it? Not when Glenn can still get a few more shows out of him. Nobody stops, nobody dies; not until Glenn says so. He… The people who disobey his orders, they get redlighted. Beaten to within an inch of their life and then thrown off the moving train. If you kill Silver, that’s what he’ll do to you. No one lives _or_ dies here without Glenn’s approval.”

Ben looks at her with pain in his eyes, and she wishes she were still that innocent. That she hadn’t been worn down by this show and that man. It’s only been three years, but it feels like a lifetime.

“I know, I know. Phasma told me not to do it – to drug him until he didn’t know up from down. But… it’s just not right.” Ben says, almost to himself. Abruptly, he gets up, walking swiftly out of the train car; a man on a mission.

When he comes back, he’s holding a pistol. He strides into the room, only his eyes betraying his fear and sadness.

Rey moves to Silver Star’s side, stroking his side in long, soothing motions. “What about Glenn?” she asks, trepidation seeping into her voice.

Ben swallows, hard. “I’m a vet; it’s my decision.”

“It’ll be your last one. He won’t like it. You’ll _die,_ ” she fires back.

“Listen,” Ben says, his voice determined. “You should go.”

Rey looks at him – the resolute set of his jaw, the anxious way he licks his lips, his large fingers squeezed tightly around the gun. She knows there’s no stopping him. “No,” she murmurs. “Let me stay – I’ll… I’ll keep him calm.”

Ben regards her with a silent nod as he kneels by Silver Star’s head, his hand gently caressing the horse’s mane. He presses the gun against the animal’s head…

Rey looks away, knowing she won’t like what she sees. She continues to rub Silver’s coat, taking comfort only in the knowledge that the horse will suffer no more.

…and Ben pulls the trigger.

She barely hears the sound; everything is muffled, as if her head is underwater. Silver’s body jerks before laying still. She lets out a broken cry, then quickly covers her mouth with her hand to choke the sound.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” His voice swims through the white noise of her anguish.

Rey makes a futile effort to wipe her tears away as she turns her head to him. “I’ll be alright,” she says quietly, but she doesn’t mean it. Her heart aches, desperate for comfort. She wraps her arms around herself, squeezing as tight as she can. It’s not enough.

“Is there anything I can do?”

Rey swallows, gazing at him with wet eyes. There’s something about her that inexplicably craves to be held. She knows it’s _wrong_ – especially considering her… attraction to him – but that base part of her just doesn’t want to grieve alone. “May I… Could you hold me?” she asks, fearful of the answer. Ben nods silently, settling next to her on the floor. His arms encircle her, pulling her closer to his broad chest. She leans her head against his shoulder and finally lets herself _sob_.

They stay like that for a long time. Her tears drip down her face and seep through his shirt; his hand rubs soft circles on her back.

She cries for the animal she had called a friend – possibly her only friend in this world. She cries for herself and this mess she has made of her life. And she cries for Ben Solo, for she knows what cruelty awaits those who disobey Glenn Phasma.

 _Mr. Solo_ , she thinks. _I’ll be sorry to see you go._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please feel free to leave kudos & comments!
> 
> You can find me on Twitter: [@ellex66](https://twitter.com/ellex66)


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